Episode 4 - A Broken Heart!

Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Lesbians emasculated straight men in a game of Truth or Dare. Ashley whooped some ass, and Little Italy (aka Domenico) ratted out Steven and Rebecca for canoodling, and in the end, Rebecca went home but Steven didn't.
This week on A Shot at Love: reality show greatness. People stepping on lizards, candle wax being dripped on some dudes package, sensual massages, and a meltdown that could be among the greatest ever on all of reality TV.
The contestants get their first challenge right away, and it's a Bi-athlon. Get it? Ryan assures us that there's absolutely, positively no "bi" in him. Tila Tequila is dressed like a referee, and Ashley compares her to a sexy zebra he'd like to ride. The challenge appears to be an obstacle course where they must blow up an inflatable sex doll then run through the tires, find a beaded necklace in a kiddie pool and climb up a bouncy wall.
The girls start out behind, but then Domenico totally bombs the wall and can't climb it. The girls catch up for a bit, then they fall behind again because Ashley is a beast who seemingly leaps over the wall in a single bound. It falls on Ryan's shoulders, and he struggles to find the necklace. Meanwhile, Dani, the firefighter, smokes his ass as the anchor and wins it for the ladies! The men are disappointed because they got beat by a bunch of girls. Domenico is OK with it, however, because they're lesbians, and so "Technically, they're guys." I love Little Italy, but the man needs to work on his English, because that's not what "technically" means.
The girls win their choice: they can go to Heaven or Hell. The lesbians go to Heaven, and Jerry Falwell is spinning in his grave. The girls dress up like angels and go to a white room with an oxygen bar. Each of the contestants gets Seven Minutes in Heaven with Tila Tequila, though it's actually just alone time with her. I think they're doing that wrong (that's what she said). Sara is a total homebody. A lizard scares Tila, so Brandi picks her up and squashes it under her boot. Tila is upset because Brandi murdered Tila's Heaven Lizard.
The boys head to Hell, and in the continued undercurrent of homophobia, Ashley just prays there's no gay stuff there. They're led into a dominatrix dungeon. Ashley is spanked with a whip, but he loves it way too much. He lets us know "Pain is only temporarily, love is forever." And this guy is allegedly an elementary school teacher. Domenico is tickled. Ryan strips to his tight briefs and then Tila drips candle wax all over his body, including his bulge. Yeah, that dude went to my high school, so it's a proud day for Hunterdon Central alums, though appropriately enough, our school mascot was the Red Devil.
The next challenge on A Shot at Love involves each person getting to give Tila Tequila a five minute massage to win a private date in a hot tub. It starts off as soft core porn, then slowly gets harder and harder (that's what she said). Domenico is an ass man, because he loves to touch them and kisses her behind on the way out. Brandi and Ryan win the competition.
A Shot at Love Elimination Time! The first eight get their keys, while homebody Sara, firefighter Dani, bad boy Ashley and odd Bobby are the only ones left. Dani sticks around and Sara goes home, which was telegraphed from the moment she said she just likes staying in. Then she chooses Bobby, and Ashley does not take it particularly well. And this leads us to the awesomest moment of reality TV since Colin's broken ox on The Amazing Race.
First, Ashley tries to act calm, and then he calls out each of the other guys for why they're wrong. Bobby is the worst, a frat boy who doesn't really love her. Then Steven, who is just like a snake. Finally, there's the pervert Domenico, so I guess the Ashley-Little Italy buddy sitcom is out the window. Then he proceeds to pick on the lesbians, saying most of them are so confused they don't know whether they're straight or gay. Someone taunts him, and this is where Ashley goes into super insane mode. He bum rushes Bobby and puts him in a vicious headlock, beating the crap out of him. The other contestants try to pull him off, and the crew gets involved as well, but Ashley is not letting go. Finally, he's pried off and escorted outside. But that's not the end of it.
Outside, Ashley is pleading with the crew about how he's in love with Tila Tequila and the other people are wrong for her. He starts knocking on the windows screaming out Tila's name, while everyone inside is terrified. When this doesn't work, he resorts to knocking over the shrubbery. He starts cursing, but apologizes to his mama for doing so. Not yet finished, he begins calling out Bobby, wanting him to show up to continue their fight. Finally, he wanders off, but inside, they're worried because Bobby is nowhere to be found. He was injured, and they call an ambulance. Tila gets in it with him to go to the emergency room as the episode ends. It was so freaking awesome.
All Of The Blogs But The 1st One Were Made By:-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer(Image courtesy of MTV) Thanks Buddy For The Help!