Episode 10 - Bobby Or Dani

Well It Was A Sad Episode, Because Dani Lost. Tila Should Have Picked Dani.

Episode 9 - She's A Little Promiscuous!

So Everyone Goes To Cancun, Mexico!!! I LOVE MEXICO!!! They Were All Having A BLAST!
They First Got To the Hotel, and It Looked Like Bobby Hadn't Gone Out For A While, Because He Was Freaking Out
About The Hotel Having An Elevator. TB@BR!!!! LOL!!!! (The Bell Already Been Rang!) It's My Friend's and My Joke!
So They Start Having Fun By Playing In A Pool With Dolphins!!!! They Were Having So Much Fun, Then Tila Chose A Date, and
Guess Who She Chose? Amanda, That's Right The Not So Good Looking Girl When She's Not Wearing Any MakeUp Girl! LOL!!! So Bobby Was A Little Jealous and He Was Saying Rude Stuff, and Before Amanda Left, She Said "Don't Worry Guys, Just Think About Me and Tila Having Sex" WOW! What A Betch!!! So Amanda Makes Out With Tila, Then They Have Some Dinner, and Guess What She Said About Dani? She Told Tila That Dani Was A Little Promiscuous!!! WHAT A BETCH!!! Lying About Dani Isn't Gonna Help You Betch! Then They Went Up To Tila's Room, Where They Pretended To Be Dolphins In The Bathtub! The Next Morning Bobby Was Stupid, and Jealous. So He Bothered Tila and Amanda, and Dani Was Just There, Looking CUTE! Then It Was Time For Bobby's Date With Tila, and They Had A Romantic Dinner By The Ocean, and Then When Things Got Hot!!!!! Tila Invited Him To Her Room, and The Door Closed! BANG!!! Then In The Morning, Dani Was Excited For Her Date With Tila, and She Got Dressed, and When Tila and Dani Were At The Dinner Table, Tila Cried, Because Dani's Words Were So Beautiful! (LOVE YOU DANI!!!) "Cough" Sorry About That! Well, Then Dani Went Up To Tila's Room and Slept All Night There :) and When They Came Back, Amanda (HEY GIRL HEY!!!!) and Bobby (HEY BOY HEY!!!) Were Totally Jealous Of Dani! Then When They Got Back To LA, Guess Who Was Eliminated!!!!? That's Right The Blonde Hair, With A Fake Smile, With The 40 Pound Chicken Breasts, and That Not So Beautiful Face When She Doesn't Wear Any Make Up Fake Betch, That's Right I'm Talking About Bobby, Oh That Shocked You Didn't It? LOL!!!!! NO!!! Amanda Was Eliminated!!!!! BYE BYE!!!!
DON'T MISS THE GRAND FINALE OF "A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS TUESDAY ON MTV!!!!!!
THIS BLOG WAS DEDICATED TO BRANDIE!!!! WE MISS YOU BRANDIE!!!
~~Victor Hugo~~

Episode 9 - Tila Meets The Parents

So Tila Traveled Around The US, and Met The Parents. Bobby's Parents Weren't So Happy, But By The End They Liked Tila. Then Tila Met Amanda's Family. She Loved Them, and The Dad Wasn't Shocked When Tila Told Him That She Was Bi. LOL! Then When Tila Went To Ryan's House, She Was Like WOW! Ryan's House Is A Mansion, and The House Is So Cool! So Then Tila Meets The Parents, and When She Told Them That She Was Bi, They Were Like Oh! When They Were Eating Tila Was Talking About Nipples LOL! Ryan's Mom Was Like "We Don't Usually Talk About Nipples At The Dinner Table". What's Also Funny Is That Tila Thought Ryan's Sister Was Hot. Then When Dani's Family Met Tila, They Were So Sweet To Tila, and I Love Dani's Mom, and I LOVE DANI!!!! She's Gonna WIN!. By The Way: Tila Gave Granny A Lap Dance! LOL! and At The End Of The Show, Guess Who Got Eliminated? I Will Give You Some Clues: Muscular, Is It Dani? No! It's RYAN! Next Episode! Tila Will Go To Mexico, Cancun! and They Are Gonna Have Some Fun Down There!
~~Victor Hugo~~

Episode 7 - Vanessa Won!

Previously On A Shot At Love With
Tila Tequila, Brandi and Vanessa
Were Left and The Key Went To
Brandi, and Vanessa Got So Pissed
That She Started A Fight With
Brandi, and Vanessa Was Acting
Like A Bitch! She Didn't Care Who
Left, But All She Wanted Was For
Tila To Not Love Brandi. Brandi
Was So Sad and She Felt Really
Bad Because Of What Vanessa Did,
That She Told Tila That She
Couldn't Do This Anymore, and
Tila Yelled and Cried. She Told
Brandi "So Your Gonna Leave and
Make Me Regret What I Did?". It
Was Sad. Then Brandi Left The
House. Vaness Won! She Got What She Wanted.
She Wanted Brandi To Lose.
Tila Went To Get Changed
and Then She Went Back To The
Living Room and Talked To
Everyone, and Thanked Them For
Being There For Her. The Next Day, They Had The
Chocolate Competition. They Were
Supposed To Jump Into A Chocolate
Filled Pool, and Then Try To Get
Their Buckets Full Of It. Then
They Would Weigh It and See, Who
Got The Most Pounds Of Chocolate
In Their Buckets. So The
Competition Started and They Were
Going CRAZY! Ryan Was Working So
Hard, To Get The Chocolate On His
Bucket, That His Dicky Came Out!
LOL! If You Wanna See How It
Happened, Tune In On MTV! Well
Domenico Also Flashed Something,
He Was Wearing A Jock Strap, and
His Butt Was Hanging Out, and He
Said That He Thinks He Has A Cute
Butt. He Probably Needed A
Mirror, To Find Out That It's
Not. LOL! Then They All Weighed
Their Buckets and The Winner Was
BOBBY! After That, Tila and All
Of Them Jumped In The Pool! Then
They Grabbed Some Hoses and
Washed The Chocolate Off Of
Themselves! Amanda and Tila Were
Acting Like They Were In A Music
Video! LOL! I Saw These Extra
Videos On "A Shot At Love The
Hangover". You Can Watch It On
MTV Too! Bobby Had A Nice Talk
With Domenico and They Were
Talking About How Domenico Always
Loses The Competitions. He Felt
Bad, But Then Bobby Made Him Feel
Better. Then Later, Tila Came and
Took Bobby To Their Date, and
They Both Ate Chinese Food. Tila
Helped Bobby Use His Chopsticks,
Because He Didn't Know How To Use
Them, LOL! By The Way, He Seemed
Very Nervous! He Said That
Everytime He Kisses Tila, He
Feels Knots In His Stomach. Later That Night, Dani and Ryan
Went On A Trisome Date With Tila!
They Talked and Then Dani Kissed
Tila, and Ryan Kissed Tila, and
Dani Mentioned "This Why I Don't
Like Trisomes" LOL! I Love Dani!
She's Awesome, Brittney Likes
Dani Too! Then, Amanda and
Domenico Had Their Dates With
Tila, and While Amanda Kissed
Tila, Domenico Only Stared. :(
Poor Domenico. He's Always Left
Out. The Next Day, They Were All In
The Kitchen, When The Doorbell
Rang! "DING DONG" Guess Who? Dani
Opened The Door, and It Was
BRANDI!!!!!!!!! I Love Her! She
Hugged Dani, and Then Tila Came
Out and Talked With Brandi. Tila
Told Her, That She Forgives Her,
But Since The Night When Brandi
Left, Tila Said That She Changed
Her Feelings Towards Her. I
Really Wanted Brandi To Come Back
To The House, She Deserved A 2nd
Chance, But Tila Didn't Give It
To Her. Then At The Elimination
Round, Guess Who Left The House?
DOMENICO! Yes, He Left, But Now
There's Only: Ryan, Amanda,
DANI!!!, and Bobby. Who Will Get
Their Shot At Love With Tila
Tequila? and Will Tila Be
Accepted By Their Families? Watch
"A Shot At Love" On MTV Next
Tuesday! Tila Will Visit Each Of
Their Families, and It Will Be
Good! DON'T MISS IT!!!!!!!!!!!
~~Victor Hugo Padilla~~

Episode 6 - The Cat Fight!

Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Michael B. got his balls waxed, then got eliminated, as did virginal Ashli (the elimination part, not the ball waxing). With male Ashley already gone, the fighting fell to the women, and Vanessa started coming to a boil.
A Shot at Love is averaging about one all-out brawl per episode, and the previews have already spoiled that we'll get another one tonight. Sadly, we have to wait until the end. In the meantime, we get a disgusting eating challenge
The remaining eight daters get their message in a bottle that informs them they'll need to prove they have exotic tastes. Apparently Tila Tequila is a fan of Fear Factor, because for no reason at all, we're getting a disgusting eating challenge. The prize for this competition is a one-on-one date in a champagne bubble bath, but that sounds more sticky and nasty than sexy.
Since we're dealing with lesbians and straight guys, the most difficult thing to give them is a bull's penis and testicles. Dani lets us know it's the first (and hopefully last) time she'll have a c*** in her mouth. Domenico is dry heaving from the start, and lets us know he typically eats bull penis for lunch, not breakfast. Bobby is going after that penis in a major way, while Amanda kills it for the ladies. Those two go head-to-head for round two, which includes eyeballs, a heart and a shot of blood. Amanda kind of freaks out, but Bobby is devouring it, having a good time. That man really wants a solo date. While licking his fingers, he asks Tila Tequila if this will be the meal at their wedding. He wins, and I suspect he has no taste buds or gag reflex, because that's the only way he could've done that so easily.
The losers are left to cook Tila a dessert. They get flour everywhere during a massive food fight. Steven and Brandi start play fighting, and he picks up a butter knife and holds it up to her, which freaks her out. He claims he was simply trying to smear some whipped cream that was on the knife onto her face. Brandi and Vanessa get into another fight about how Brandi is slutty and Vanessa is a drunk. Relax ladies, you're both slutty drunks.
In the champagne bath, Tila Tequila and Bobby have the standard romantic conversation where they bond emotionally. She's the last thing he thinks about before going to bed and the first thing he thins about when he wakes up. Bobby says "I love you," but it's not reciprocated.
Tila tries the desserts. Domenico's upside down cake is the worst thing she's ever tasted, probably because he put cream of tartar on it. Amanda's dessert is delicious. Afterwards, Tila is snuggling with Dani when Steven sneaks up to ruin her time, and Tila is impressed that Dani gets upset and stands up to him. She leaves, and Steven starts getting a bit aggressive in trying to kiss her, then he lays on top of her and starts going for it, and she's quite turned off. Similarly, when Brandi is getting some one-on-one time, Vanessa interrupts. Brandi plays the bigger person and just walks away. Tila is sick and tired of all this drama.
The next day, Tila Tequila wants to find out what everyone thinks of each other. Without voting for themselves, everyone is asked to write down who they think is most and least compatible with Tila. This should be interesting.
Bobby says: Most is Brandi, Least is Vanessa
Vanessa says: Most is Brandi, Least is Ryan
Dani says: Most is Domenico, Least is Vanessa
Steven says: Most is Bobby, Least is Domenico.
Brandi says: Most is Amanda, Least is Vanessa
Domenico says: Most is Dani, Least is Vanessa
Ryan says: Most is Dani, Least is Domenico
Amanda says: Most is Dani, Least is Vanessa
It's interesting that only two people think Tila is most compatible with a guy. In theory, all the guys should've said a fellow guy to make Tila think she belongs with a man over a woman. Dani is pleased to be thought of so highly, so she gets a special dinner with Tila Tequila. Domenico is upset to have two Least votes, but it's because he's too much of a cartoon. Vanessa is obviously upset, but she had it coming on account of being so crazy. Still, she gets a special dinner as well to explain herself.
At her dinner with Tila, Vanessa tries to talk about how she's a softie inside. She also keeps saying she doesn't want to talk about the drama, then does it anyway. Tila just eats and is annoyed by how much Vanessa is talking about herself. Well, this makes her decision easier for tonight. Naturally, we get a confessional of Vanessa saying how great the date was and how much they connected.
The Dani date goes well, and it's impressive because in this field of total nut jobs, Dani is coming across really well. Tila thinks the reason she's connected to Dani is because she gets the best of both words: a lesbian who kind of looks like a man.
A Shot at Love Elimination Time!Giantess Amanda gets the first key, and the squat she does to let Tila put it around her neck is hilarious. Bobby also gets a key, for the zeal with which he put a penis in his mouth. Ryan is safe, continuing to fly under the radar of everyone (cuz that's how us Flemingtonians roll!). Dani gets a key as well, so we're down to the final two of each gender. On the men's side, there's something about Domenico, so he's safe while overly aggressive Steven gets the boot. He starts to well up, then leaves with grace. Good for him.
Now, the moment we've all been waiting for! Brandi gets the last key, and before she even accepts it, Vanessa grabs her hair and takes her down! Girl fight!!! It is on and people rush in from everywhere to break it up. Vanessa is absolutely insane, and when she's held back, she flails her arms and knocks some glasses to the floor. She's in tears pleading with Tila that Brandi isn't there for her and she vows not to leave. Meanwhile, an obviously distressed Brandi is saying she's had enough. Before it's resolved, we get a "to be continued."
Next time on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: who goes home, and who stays. It certainly looks like both Vanessa and Brandi will be leaving while an eliminated girl will return.
All Of The Blogs But The 1st One Were Made By:-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer(Image courtesy of MTV)

Episode 5 - I Always Get What I Want!

Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Brandi squashed a Heaven Lizard, Tila dripped candle wax on Ryan's bulge, and Ashley freaked the hell out, sending Bobby to the hospital, in one of the single greatest meltdowns I've ever seen on reality TV.
People aren't feeling all that good in the Shot at Love house in the wake of Hurricane Ashley. Bobby is perfectly safe, but he got some ambulance alone time, so it worked out well for him. Ryan wants everyone to relax, and his idea is waking people up with an air horn. God, he's totally that guy who's really a douchebag, and everyone around him knows it and doesn't even try to hide their disdain, but he still thinks everyone loves him.
For their challenge, the men and women mix it up and put on bathing suits. Team captains Domenico and Michael B. alternate choosing teams, and after picking all the men, they go for the women, and Vanessa feels like the fat kid on the playground because she's last. The mixed teams are each tasked with creatively washing a car in 10 minutes, and the winners go on a spa trip with Tila Tequila. By creative, she means sexually suggestive. Boobs, butts and other sexual appendages are rubbed up against a Hummer. Brandi loses points in my book for making the obvious joke. The winning team is the one led by Michael B., which also includes Bobby, Ryan, Amanda and Ashli.
SIDENOTE: Have you seen these previews for The Mist, the new Stephen King adaptation by Frank Darabont? If you haven't, you should. It's a fantastic short story and looks like a brilliant movie.
In the house, Bobby is making the playground argument about how, since Ashli is a virgin, she doesn't know if she's straight or gay. She responds the only logical way: how does he know he's not gay if he's never slept with another guy.
On the date, women get facials, men get pedicures, and then we get your standard "guys being waxed" scene. Michael B. gets the worst of it, because his butt and balls both get waxed. Amanda takes pleasure in the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see a guy's balls get waxed. Yes, it's just like Haley's Comet.
Meanwhile, Domenico's team still gets a date with Tila Tequila, but it involves camping outside. Brandi gets Tila a smore, and man, that looks good. It's been so long since I've had one, even longer if you don't count smore Pop Tarts. She gets some alone time with Domenico who says he hasn't touched himself for two months. Tila says she does it nine times a day. Domenico's eyes light up. Dani and Tila hang out and kiss, and "Galileo" by the Indigo Girls plays. Way to support stereotypes, producers.
Vanessa is drunk and running around, swimming naked, flirting with Bobby, quite aggressively. Vanessa is all too happy to take up the show villain title. She's upset because Bobby won't admit he wants to sleep with her. She leaves, but not before throwing her drink, which hits Brandi. GIRL FIGHT! Actually, it's just a screaming match.
The next morning, they get another message in a bottle saying they'll be celebrating "Tila de Mayo," complete with sombreros. Each person must spin around in a chair, then bring a tray of margaritas to Tila Tequila. It's men vs. women. Ryan spills three drinks, but he's up against Vanessa, who spills four. Bobby spills one, so it's all tied up going into the final race against Steven and Dani. Bobby slips and calls firefighter Dani an "athletic guy." Steven makes it first, but spills all but one, so the ladies win again and win the final date before elimination.
The girls take a limo to a Mexican restaurant. The whole Bobby-Vanessa-Brandi altercation comes to light. Vanessa tries to make Bobby look like the bad guy, so when Tila Tequila gets home, she gets the skinny from Bobby. He tells the truth about her sexual talk and drinking.
A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila Elimination Time! Dani is safe. Yay! I love that butch gal, even if she does look more like a man than Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry. Ryan, my hometown hero, is safe, as is an overly confident Brandi. Domenico is safe, which...I love the crazy dude, but he really has no shot at winning this thing. Amanda is also safe, despite the fact that she's about a foot and a half taller than Tila. Steven is safe too, so it's down to the final two of each gender.
For the ladies, it's Vanessa vs. Ashli, and the bad girl stays while sweet virginal Ashli is sent home. On the men's side, it's Bobby, who Vanessa almost sexually assaulted, and Michael B., who waxed his balls for Tila. Bobby is safe. Poor Michael B., I guess it's back to delivering pizzas on a bike and sleeping on his parents' couch. On the bright side, he's leaving this competition with smoother balls.
On the next episode of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: a disgusting eating competition leaves everyone dry heaving. But more importantly, CAT FIGHT! And I mean a real one, as Vanessa goes straight for another chick's hair.
All Of The Blogs But The 1st One Were Made By:-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer(Image courtesy of MTV)

Episode 4 - A Broken Heart!

Previously on A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila: Lesbians emasculated straight men in a game of Truth or Dare. Ashley whooped some ass, and Little Italy (aka Domenico) ratted out Steven and Rebecca for canoodling, and in the end, Rebecca went home but Steven didn't.
This week on A Shot at Love: reality show greatness. People stepping on lizards, candle wax being dripped on some dudes package, sensual massages, and a meltdown that could be among the greatest ever on all of reality TV.
The contestants get their first challenge right away, and it's a Bi-athlon. Get it? Ryan assures us that there's absolutely, positively no "bi" in him. Tila Tequila is dressed like a referee, and Ashley compares her to a sexy zebra he'd like to ride. The challenge appears to be an obstacle course where they must blow up an inflatable sex doll then run through the tires, find a beaded necklace in a kiddie pool and climb up a bouncy wall.
The girls start out behind, but then Domenico totally bombs the wall and can't climb it. The girls catch up for a bit, then they fall behind again because Ashley is a beast who seemingly leaps over the wall in a single bound. It falls on Ryan's shoulders, and he struggles to find the necklace. Meanwhile, Dani, the firefighter, smokes his ass as the anchor and wins it for the ladies! The men are disappointed because they got beat by a bunch of girls. Domenico is OK with it, however, because they're lesbians, and so "Technically, they're guys." I love Little Italy, but the man needs to work on his English, because that's not what "technically" means.
The girls win their choice: they can go to Heaven or Hell. The lesbians go to Heaven, and Jerry Falwell is spinning in his grave. The girls dress up like angels and go to a white room with an oxygen bar. Each of the contestants gets Seven Minutes in Heaven with Tila Tequila, though it's actually just alone time with her. I think they're doing that wrong (that's what she said). Sara is a total homebody. A lizard scares Tila, so Brandi picks her up and squashes it under her boot. Tila is upset because Brandi murdered Tila's Heaven Lizard.
The boys head to Hell, and in the continued undercurrent of homophobia, Ashley just prays there's no gay stuff there. They're led into a dominatrix dungeon. Ashley is spanked with a whip, but he loves it way too much. He lets us know "Pain is only temporarily, love is forever." And this guy is allegedly an elementary school teacher. Domenico is tickled. Ryan strips to his tight briefs and then Tila drips candle wax all over his body, including his bulge. Yeah, that dude went to my high school, so it's a proud day for Hunterdon Central alums, though appropriately enough, our school mascot was the Red Devil.
The next challenge on A Shot at Love involves each person getting to give Tila Tequila a five minute massage to win a private date in a hot tub. It starts off as soft core porn, then slowly gets harder and harder (that's what she said). Domenico is an ass man, because he loves to touch them and kisses her behind on the way out. Brandi and Ryan win the competition.
A Shot at Love Elimination Time! The first eight get their keys, while homebody Sara, firefighter Dani, bad boy Ashley and odd Bobby are the only ones left. Dani sticks around and Sara goes home, which was telegraphed from the moment she said she just likes staying in. Then she chooses Bobby, and Ashley does not take it particularly well. And this leads us to the awesomest moment of reality TV since Colin's broken ox on The Amazing Race.
First, Ashley tries to act calm, and then he calls out each of the other guys for why they're wrong. Bobby is the worst, a frat boy who doesn't really love her. Then Steven, who is just like a snake. Finally, there's the pervert Domenico, so I guess the Ashley-Little Italy buddy sitcom is out the window. Then he proceeds to pick on the lesbians, saying most of them are so confused they don't know whether they're straight or gay. Someone taunts him, and this is where Ashley goes into super insane mode. He bum rushes Bobby and puts him in a vicious headlock, beating the crap out of him. The other contestants try to pull him off, and the crew gets involved as well, but Ashley is not letting go. Finally, he's pried off and escorted outside. But that's not the end of it.
Outside, Ashley is pleading with the crew about how he's in love with Tila Tequila and the other people are wrong for her. He starts knocking on the windows screaming out Tila's name, while everyone inside is terrified. When this doesn't work, he resorts to knocking over the shrubbery. He starts cursing, but apologizes to his mama for doing so. Not yet finished, he begins calling out Bobby, wanting him to show up to continue their fight. Finally, he wanders off, but inside, they're worried because Bobby is nowhere to be found. He was injured, and they call an ambulance. Tila gets in it with him to go to the emergency room as the episode ends. It was so freaking awesome.
All Of The Blogs But The 1st One Were Made By:-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer(Image courtesy of MTV) Thanks Buddy For The Help!